One thing I haven’t put on here is that around a year ago I left CID and I’m now in a specialist unit, still as a detective and still investigation work. I’ve only been there a year but I think I’ve noticed that part of the reason I’m struggling recently is that I’m finding it hard to physically be there.
There’s tons of advantages to the job I’m doing but some of the things that I’m struggling with is:
No Windows – you heard right. The building I’m in is not a Police Station or publically accessible. I work in a room with no natural light. I never thought I’d miss the sight of traffic, cars, people outside. But I do. It’s also strange leaving work and having no clue about the weather. I walk out and often think “wow, it’s a lovely day”, equally if it’s terrential rain, it’s the first I’ve seen of it.
Artificial light – similar to the point above. All day I’m just under a sea of lights
Computer Screens all day – the job I do now is 99% desk based. CID was a good mix, half the time I was out and about knocking on doors, or going to a scene, or someones house. Then back to the office after. Now, I go in… I sit down and stare at a computer screen for 8 hours.
It’s not a Police Station – I miss the hustle and bustle of a Police Station. Generally people are friendly, and there’s always stuff going on. Now I’m in a building where there’s none of that. Everyone has offices which have doors closed. Due to security you can’t go in them, and our key cards won’t activate the door.
I think these are the main issues I’m finding at work. It’s part of a vicious circle. As I go into work not really looking forward to it meaning I have no motivation, and then when I leave work after being sat down all day, I just don’t feel like doing anything, like gym, or going for a walk or something.
Maybe I just need to man up. The advantages I mentioned before are that there’s very little overtime unless it’s planned, I can start late/finish later if I want to, I can always get leave, don’t have to work Christmas, great career prospects, tons of good training, etc…
My last post mentioned that I was having a hard time in work. Things got better, although I still for some reason spent most of the working week physically shaking and I’m not sure why. I was nervous all week and on edge. I couldn’t relax at all.
I’ve had bouts of depression in the past and usually always just come through the other side eventually. This time it’s lasting longer than usual, so hopefully things will pick up soon.
Anyway, thanks for reading – have a great week!